Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and self seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruit, without partiality and without hypocrisy...
I believe the Lord lead me to this passage today as I was looking for my post as it seems to be talking directly to me and what I have been going through recently. I believe that every woman if she is being honest has been directly influenced by those around her. Depending upon your age and what season of your life you are in, is the only real difference I can think of. When I was a very young girl I wanted to be just like the most popular girl in my class with her long swinging pony tail and her big bows. All the boys loved her, and she batted her LONG DARK CURLY lashes over her pretty blue eyes in a very becoming way. Try as I did, I never did manage to get my hair that long or for a single boy to notice my existence, much less get my eyelashes to be anything other than what they were which was short and light. When I was older and in high school it was the perky song/cheer leaders that caught my eye and convinced me that the key to happiness would lie in being able to maneuver around the way they did, and bring huge crowds of people to a cheering frenzy in their enthusiasm. But being somewhat un-coordinated kept this dream from happening either. After I married and began my family there seemed to be a long line of women who somehow managed to make their kids more obedient, were WONDERFUL cooks and housekeepers AND even managed to balance a career as well. And goodness knows over the years there had been many a woman with fantastic figures, beautiful wardrobes and homes that could be photographed and looked at in magazines. I envied so many different women their looks, talents and possessions over the years and tried to pattern myself to be like whoever it was that I admired. I think I had convinced myself that I was beyond that anymore and had settled into an acceptance YEARS ago to be the woman that God made me to be, and to pattern myself after Him....But just in the last few days I realized I haven't quite got that beaten the way I thought I did. In getting into the blogging world, I have come across some of the most talented, accomplished, giving beautiful women I think I might have ever (kind of) known. Soo many interesting, worthwhile and entertaining blogs. AGAIN, I have found myself feeling like I don't measure up very well, and what have I really done with my life anyway? These women have DONE something with their lives and have accomplished so much. Many have such wonderful and fulfilling ministries going and I began to think of ways I might somehow morph into someone I have never really been, but have ALWAYS wanted to be. I fiddled with my blogs at times spending hours TRYING to figure out how to do things, and wrote and re-wrote things trying to have something worthwhile to say. Frustrated because no matter what I "tried" to do I can't seem to scare up any readers. Defeated at times and thinking I should just throw in the towel and go back to my non-blogging days. I have been down on myself and feeling like somewhat of a failure not only in my blogging abilities, but as a person in general. I prayed last night and asked that God might give me His wisdom on rather or not I should continue with this scripture blog and rather or not I have anything worth saying let alone worth hearing. He lead me to this verse today (and spoke to me both through my son Jimmy and my daughter Melody) and it has become clear to me that while MOST of my motives for wanting to do this blog are good, there has been some definite envy of what others have done and accomplished going on as well and as desire to do something worthwhile for myself. And what better than a Scripture blog?? Verse 16 says it all quite plainly, "For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there." So, from this point forward I will no longer worry about rather or not anyone is reading this blog, or feel bad about what I have or haven't accomplished with my life. I will serve Him in any way He chooses to use me, and continue to seek His wisdom and truth for my life. For HIS wisdom is full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
A JOURNEY THROUGH ANXIETY
2 weeks ago